Pushing My Edges Of ComfortDec 07, 2022
I'm pushing my edges of comfortability here.....
I know through many conversations, that people often think my life's adventures are all just fun and easy for me - like I'm just so comfortable with it all.
Surprise - That's not true! 😂
So much of the time I'm not comfortable, but I do the things anyway because it’s all worth it to me.
In my 'normal' life, I live in a community where I am well-connected, well-resourced, familiar with everything, and well-loved.
I have a great community of friends that I connect with regularly, have over for dinner, do activities with, connect with deeply in conversation, and that support me in any way I need.
As I am a couple of weeks into living in a small town in Mexico for the winter by myself, I'm leaning into how grateful I am to have the opportunity to spend time in a beautiful warm place with tropical waters to swim in, a welcoming community, and a lovely home.
I'm also leaning into the uncomfortableness that comes along with making such a decision, and the personal growth that comes along with that.
I have a few friends here, and a handful of acquaintances. I meet a few new people here and there, but establishing the kind of relationships that really feel nourishing and make a person feel at home takes time.
In my first 2 weeks here I’ve been experiencing a couple of feelings that I don’t often feel ......loneliness and a lack of social confidence.
I guess I've been really lucky to not feel much loneliness in my life. For most of my life, I’ve been surrounded by people that I connect easily with and that love me.
A feeling of loneliness creeping in here & there has been surprising to me because I actually do really well spending a lot of time by myself. More than most people I know, I love my time alone. I love the quiet, I love taking solo retreats, I love spending time by myself writing, reading, cooking, & just hanging out. I'm really really good at it. But somehow here, it feels more lonely....maybe just knowing that I'm not surrounded by my community that I know?
I've also been experiencing less confidence than I'm used to having, especially in social settings.
When I really dug into this feeling and did some journaling, I realized that my level of confidence in my normal life is boosted so greatly by being comfortable in my surroundings.
Being in a community that I know how to navigate, where I am well connected and well resourced, where I have lots of friends that love me, and where I feel important to people and my community - The sense of comfort and confidence that comes with that environment is more powerful than I’d realized I guess.
It's been a really good reminder for me - to really look at where my confidence is seated within myself.
I'm having to dig deeper within myself and remind myself of who I am at my core. To remind myself that it's really me…. being rooted in the soul of who I am that I have to feel confident about… not my surroundings…not my familiarity…not my sense of belonging.
While I know those things are beautiful in supporting me, I'm being shown that digging deeper within myself is called for.
The confidence piece has been on my mind because as I make efforts to integrate myself into a new community in a foreign country for a short time, I find myself feeling shy in so many circumstances that I don't think I should be. I'm not as bold or outgoing as I normally am. I'm not my authentic self in so many circumstances because I'm just not as comfortable & confident here in these first couple of weeks.
I realized that it's slowing down my ability to make the kind of real connections that I'm craving here to decrease my feelings of loneliness, to feel more connection in this community, and to have the experience here this winter that I really want to have….So I’m being with it and working on it.
Now granted, I'm writing this just 2 weeks into living in another country by myself, and I am truly being patient with a process that I know will not happen overnight, but I thought that there was some value in sharing my process in getting settled in and feeling more comfortable here. There's always internal work to do when adjusting to anything new in life. It’s a good reminder of that.
We are always growing, aren't we?
It's not usually easy, and it's so beautiful too.
The way I live my life is different from the 'norm' in so many ways. I have more experiences & adventures than a lot of people I know (and yet - a lot less than many people I know, too). People often see me living my life on social media, or hear my stories of travel and think - “wow! She's so brave - she's doing so many cool things” and they think that it's ALL easy and fun for me.
Surprise. It's not.
I work through all kinds of feelings as I travel. I constantly uncover deeper levels of work that I need to do. I consistently face things in myself that I thought I'd already learned or achieved....but there's always more. Always.
The more I step into uncomfortable circumstances in life the more I learn about myself, grow, and gain faith & confidence in myself that I can do all kinds of hard things.
Honestly, It would be so much harder for me to remain in my comfort zone. To do the same things, in the same places, with the same people, day after day of my life. My soul craves more variety and so I listen to it.
That doesn't mean it's always comfortable, it just means that pushing through the discomfort is actually worth it for me. Pushing through the discomfort for me almost always means feeling so much more fulfilled - and that’s what we all really crave, right? Fulfillment?
So I ask you - Is there something that your soul is calling for that you know would be uncomfortable, and so you are not listening to it?
What's it worth to you to remain in your comfort zone?
What's it worth to you to step into the uncomfortableness?
After just 2 weeks, I am feeling SO much more at home & comfortable here, and I know that I’m easing into that feeling rather quickly because I have been really present with the uncomfortable feelings in the first couple of weeks.
I also know that there will be more discomfort and that as I connect more here, I will also continue to feel more comfortable.
As we approach a new year, I’d love to encourage you to think about where you’d like to step outside of your comfort zone in 2023. What has your soul been calling for that it’s time to be bold & listen?
PS - If you’d like a cheerleader, coach, & mentor in your process, I’m here. I love working with clients who are ready to step outside of their comfort zone and to hold a safe space for them through the uncomfortable moments so that they can get to the other side and feel the fulfillment that comes with leaning into what their soul really craves.
If you feel called, you can schedule a discovery session with me here: Book A Call
I’d love to chat with you.
PPS - I wrote this piece from the hammock in the front room of my beautiful home here. It’s actually really really really good here - I just like to keep it real & talk about the feels too, because it’s so valuable for me, and I think for you too. Writing pieces like this is part of my personal therapy that helps me move through so much. When I feel called to share what I write, I do. Today I felt that calling ❤️
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